I thought I had talent,
I’ve let myself down,
I thought I was funny,
but I’m more of a clown.
I thought I was clever
And had it worked out,
But nobody listens
That’s why I shout.
It has taken me ages
To get to this place
But I know myself now
And there’s no saving grace.
So try to avoid me
Just don’t get entwined
In the day to day madness
Of my rambling sad mind
Distraction.Sept 20th 2021.
Todays starting point for these few words I write is distraction and lack of concentration. Together, and without realising where we were heading, we have constructed a society where the ability to concentrate on the task at hand is not only almost impossible but (for most of us) not desired or expected.
We are constantly bombarded with sounds, memes and external influences that beg for our attention, our attention becomes so overworked that it becomes fragmented and loses sight of what’s important or what todays priorities should be.
Our ability to read, listen, absorb content and form an opinion about things is extremely reduced if not totally destroyed.
Examples.
What are we doing when we listen to music while scrolling through social media? Are we listening to music? Or scrolling through social media? Does the music matter? Are we listening to the text of the song? Are we trying to ‘get’ what the artist is trying to put across in their song? Or is the music just a background effect for scrolling on social media, a sort of wall paper of sound? What about when we are listening to the radio, scrolling on internet and the ‘news’ comes on the radio, do we actually take in what’s being said or do we just remember little bits, sound bites, like seeing headlines but not reading the article. What about the scrolling on internet, what are we actually doing? ‘Checking up’ on what others have been up to? And does it really interest us that someone who we hardly know was at a restaurant yesterday having a meal with their partner? Is this the new way we humans try to keep up to date with gossip? Do we care about that photo we ‘liked’ on instagram? Or is it just a reaction to that somebody you know or like or just ‘follow’? What do we think happens when we give something a like? Is it an act of appreciation? A split second that we say “well done for having a meal with your partner” “great! I’m going to reward you know with a ‘like’ just to show you that I’m thinking of you! By the way, how was the meal?”
The same goes for us who are doing the ‘posting’, when we post a photo of ourselves having a meal with our partner in a restaurant, what is the goal? What are we trying to get across, and to whom? If we are in a restaurant with our partner or friends isn’t that enough? Do you want others to see what they are missing? Or do we want people to see that we actually have friends? Or are we saying “I’m here with my friends, the fact that you see this makes you not one of my inner circle.” What is the aim of showing the world that at that moment of time you were in a restaurant with partner or friends not actually concentrating and enjoying their presence or the food and the banter but taking a photo to show people who you hardly know what you get up to in your free time. Why do we feel the need to tell and show the world what we are up to every second of the day? All these things lead to distraction ,to the fact that we are hardly ever in the moment, and that our lives become one big personal PR stunt. We can maybe go so far as to say if you do something, go somewhere, enjoy something it never really happened if you didn’t register it and post it on some social media site.
We pay good money to go and see our musical idol or comedian or actor that we really enjoy watching and listening to, but we spend time during the show or act not concentrating on the act or show but taking photos, recording live videos or taking selfies to prove that we are there, but while doing that we aren’t concentrating on the reason we went , that being to listen, experience or enjoy the evening. On occasion I have even been asked by people “Hey did you go see that show yesterday?” “Because I didn’t see any photos on your Instagram of Facebook account, was it a shit show or something?” The fact that we don’t register and publicly announce things is becoming a sign that we are either ashamed of what we have seen, listened to or done or that it was a shit evening.
But getting back to distraction - maybe the fact that so many of us experience ‘burn outs’ depression and anxiety could be linked to this continual tickertape of distractions that constantly demand our attention.
Writing this I’m sat here with sound silencing headphones on, under the headphones I have those spongy earplugs in, the wifi on my computer is turned off along with my smart phone, only by doing this am I able to be free from digital distractions and the noise of everyday life, for example traffic, airplanes and building work going on outside.
Silence and the ability to be alone with your thoughts are becoming a scarce commodity, no doubt soon to be marketed and sold back to us.
So what to do?
All I can advise from my experience is to try your best to limit the distractions, take time for yourself, maybe 15 minutes a day to sit in silence and think about whatever is bothering you, or to think back on enjoyable moments and what they meant. Take time to plan your day.
Think of the silent moments as a sort of mental fitness exercise. Give your brain a rest now again, without external distractions.
Lay back, switch off and turn on your thoughts, listen don’t judge just reflect… does it sound a little bit too ‘arty farty’? Give it a try anyhow.
Take care.
of some ‘meal of the day’.
Regrets.
All the bad decisions.
All the things I shouldn’t have done, but did.
All the things I should have done but didn’t.
All the people I tried to impress for no reason.
All the times I cared too much about what others might think.
All the real friends I forgot to thank.
All the people I thought were friends but weren’t.
All the opportunities for happiness I failed to see.
All the things I acted on for the wrong reasons.
All the times I didn’t say Sorry.
All the times I didn’t say thank you.
All the things I forgot to cherish.
All the actions taken without thought.
All the good thoughts that didn’t bring action.
All the times I forgot myself.
All the good that I easily forget.
All the things I left unsaid.
Trees.
I've never used a tree when I've needed to pee,
A bush or a shrub or a hedge maybe, but never a tree.
Good things come in trees, or maybe threes as someone once said to me.
I once made love to a bird up against a tree, she was no songbird but she did reach notes higher than me, but that was in my politically incorrect days as you can see.
I've sat in a tree but never shat in a tree.
I once had a discussion with a weeping willow, just to clear the air, the sadness was because of me.
Now Greta Thunberg you might not be but the least you can do is plant a tree.
I love trees, there- it's out. I think of them with every breath I take, but hey that's me.
I had a socially distanced 'one-night stand'
We wore surgical gloves and she held my hand
She took me home threw me on the bed
went to the bathroom then she said
"I'll be in the bath, it's safer there"
"Now get on ZOOM and show me you care."
So now I have read all the books and ‘tips from Authors’ and all the internet can offer on writing- how to start, how to continue, writer's block, what sort of paper -ink or pencil to use… all I have to do now is write FFS, and make it a daily habit.
Like everything else the more you do it, the easier it becomes, not necessarily better, just easier.
One thing that Corona has taught me, I’m not as talented as I thought I was, as the absence of my first killer novel proves, the empty joke notebooks and half-finished projects in the house. I have this one thing and that is getting on stage and making people laugh through words I carefully select, that is it -end of talent roll call.
So my only talent is impossible to perform at the moment, I’m stuck in a sort of waiting room an entertainment purgatory between heaven and hell, just hanging around, trying to stay relevant by making podcasts that don’t go anywhere, doing live streams so people can see me and remember me as ‘that comedy guy’.
All this shit we post on the internet through Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and all the other platforms is so boring, there are the ‘look at my face’ people -every day a new photo of their face as if to say … well, remember my face… Pathetic little jokes on Facebook that would only work on stage and then only as a sort of ‘add on’ to a set that was already smashing it. Witty comments on Twitter. You would think that all this mountain of bullshit would have to crash one day, but the novelty doesn’t seem to be waning any time soon.
90% of everything we put on the ‘platforms’ of social media are just ‘forget me not’ reminders.
There used to be a time that we were contented with just knowing the few people around us, as long as they liked us or put up with us we felt ok, the rest of the world was what we saw on television or film. Now we are continually disappointed with the number of likes and retweets and friend requests from people we do not know, or never will do. As far as I am concerned the ultimate art is the art of doing little and enjoying it. Not being addicted to the ‘like-machine’, today I wrote a poem that I really liked, I like it so much I’ll keep it to myself and won’t put it under social media scrutiny of those who I don’t know. That’s me, the world doesn’t have to know what I get up to every day, amongst the other billions on social network sites my tale is just one of the many - meaning so little to anyone except me. (This little text I’m writing here seems to be flowing well I might share it on social media later -after the re-write and spelling check, done for me by algorithms).
I started realizing -during the lockdown- how empty our lives have become… and then I started doing d.i.y. stuff around the house, the repairs that I haven’t had time for during my ‘on line importance’. It’s was such an energy boost, just to actually get stuff done, start a job and finish it (maybe not the best quality -but it’s mine), no being judged all day by strangers on the internet, freedom in ‘real-time’. A day without social media was the most invigorating thing I have done during the lockdown, ok it’s a long process to kick the addiction, but one day at a time and you will get there, it all means nothing after all. Nothing you or I say on Twitter, FB or any other platform carries any influence longer than the next tweet on somebody's timeline.
