Saturday.

Time moves on, it's Saturday now which means I've been home from hospital almost a week. I'm gradually easing off the pain killers and other meds, my blood (clotting) levels are back to what they should be and Monday I'll have my first gig (in Flanders) again and pretty soon the operation will be a distant past and all the little ups and downs I feel will have to be kept to myself as people don't really want to know how you are when they ask that question.
Most of the time I don't want to talk about my bigger and bigger collection of replacement joints that I seem to be collecting either, nowadays ,with the science and technology we have ,it's not such a big deal. I've known for some years that one day my knees and hips would 'go' and would have to be replaced, so I taught myself to build up for it, get the leg muscles fit before the op, leave the op to the best professionals there are in the area, 'post op' do all the exercises and move on (literally) , and so it is now, so this will be the last you'll hear about hip 2.

I started my show this week in Bonn with these words 'Good Evening and Welcome, it's a great time to be human! don't you think?' - It was the start of a comedic rant I went into on the arrogance of us - humans- conquering the world and laying waste to much of nature in the process, leaving us with only ourselves to 'conquer' and destroy.
It was my twisted comedic way of describing the duality of humankind - 'Great time to be human' ? yes ,well if you live in the west or are really really rich it's a great time in our evolution -look at me for christ's sake, rebuilt! We have all the fun little toys, distance is no longer an obstacle to keeping in touch with loved ones , at our fingertips most of us have a device that was originally developed to be able to phone and talk to people all over the globe, but now we can do so much more with it. In a way we are in danger of becoming 'too big for our boots' 'punching above our weight' , we have all these amazing devices, medical science has given each of us -not eternal life - but a life expectancy way above all of our planetary predecessors, but -and this should be written BUT -we have lost so much of what makes us human. We may be interconnected, and 'wired with the world' but in our immediate proximity we are growing more and more lonely and disconnected having hundreds or even thousands of friends on Facebook and co, many ,or almost all of whom we have never met, but at the same time we have never actually talked to the next door neighbor. That my friends (many of whom I've never met :-) ) is where we lose our 'humanity' , we are creatures that need solidarity and the warmth of the 'group', be it family, (real) friends or neighbors. Having day to day contact with others is what keeps us in check with society and whatever we call 'normality' at that point. Left to our own devices with no checks and balances our brain plays tricks on us, when we have no set values or sense of order or restraint, then we let the dogs lose in our brain,we become a sort of warped version of what we were. Having said this what do I intend to do about it? Well..... 'I'm different I like my own company, I don't need people around, I'm a loner' and other excuses haha. Seriously, what I will try is to enjoy this 'human victory', enjoy the fact that I can now walk almost painlessly because of human intelligence and progress, I'll have fun with all the little technological toys we have at our fingertips but at the same time I'll try to regain contact with what makes us tick- human contact. When out walking ,look up, take a look, a real look at what and -more importantly- who is around us and now and then strike up a conversation, create a sort of 'real life Facebook' . Howdy neighbor!

Slow down Tonto we're surrounded.

It seems like ages since I've written anything on my blog, sorry for that, whoever it is that reads it. 
This blog is my way of clearing my head, I do the same on my Flemish podcast. On the podcast (called Downtime) I just press record and talk for 15 minutes, just to see what the brain spits out. 
With the blog it's pretty much the same approach, no pre defined script, I just start up the laptop and see where the brain takes the keyboard. So let's see. 
It's been a while since I blogged, not that I lost interest, I still find it a great personal development exercise but man have I been busy. This last three months have been a real roller coaster. During the heat wave we were moving house, then on holiday in Wales and then (last week) I had a hip replacement (my second), in between times I've still been doing comedy gigs all over Flanders and Holland and my daily podcast.  Not bad for some old guy . 
By the way the hip is a week old today and it's healing quite rapidly, I already walk (with one crutch) about a kilometer per day and am active around the house.
My Dad used to call me 'itchy ass' as I can't sit down long without getting bored. Sometimes I get tired of myself and my inability to just sit down and concentrate, but that's the way my dice roll. A bit ironic then that I have joint problems and sometimes -through pain -I'm forced to take it a bit easier. 

I learnt a new psychological disorder today , it's called 'Gas Lighting' - it's a technique used by people who are extreme narcissists ,they use the technique to gain power over a partner, or (as dictator) over the public. Most of the description I found on line about this condition can be found in the way Donald Trump and his clique around him are operating in the White House at the moment, I also know of a few men that use this system to dominate their spouses. Whether they are aware of their behavior I wouldn't know but it is worthwhile reading up on it. Hell you might even be a victim of it , so read up it will stop you feeling bad about yourself (if you are subject to this behaviour). Here's the link 
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/here-there-and-everywhere/201701/11-warning-signs-gaslighting 
You can copy paste this into your browser. Thanks for the person that brought this to my attention, I don't know why but these things interest me. I have always had an interest in us humans, maybe because I'm always asking myself if I'm 'normal' always the doubt that I'm 'not good enough' or lacking in one way or the other. So I watch others and see how they cope and check to see if my behavior is on the 'normal' scale. All this constant doubt and self criticism has led me over the years to lose my 'authentic self' whatever and whoever that is. I don't know about you but I find myself 'adapting' a lot to the people I have around me at any given time. It's as if I act like I think they would expect me to act instead of .. well just being me. Why is that? Is that some craving for acceptance? 
I don't know where it came from, probably little by little over the years trying to fit in, but at the moment I'm on to it and want to stop it, which entails that I start getting 'real' or to use the 'book selling' phrase 'looking for my authentic self' . So wish me luck on that one, and if you see me acting strange somewhere,well maybe that's just the (real) way I am. 
See you.