Slow down Tonto we're surrounded.

It seems like ages since I've written anything on my blog, sorry for that, whoever it is that reads it. 
This blog is my way of clearing my head, I do the same on my Flemish podcast. On the podcast (called Downtime) I just press record and talk for 15 minutes, just to see what the brain spits out. 
With the blog it's pretty much the same approach, no pre defined script, I just start up the laptop and see where the brain takes the keyboard. So let's see. 
It's been a while since I blogged, not that I lost interest, I still find it a great personal development exercise but man have I been busy. This last three months have been a real roller coaster. During the heat wave we were moving house, then on holiday in Wales and then (last week) I had a hip replacement (my second), in between times I've still been doing comedy gigs all over Flanders and Holland and my daily podcast.  Not bad for some old guy . 
By the way the hip is a week old today and it's healing quite rapidly, I already walk (with one crutch) about a kilometer per day and am active around the house.
My Dad used to call me 'itchy ass' as I can't sit down long without getting bored. Sometimes I get tired of myself and my inability to just sit down and concentrate, but that's the way my dice roll. A bit ironic then that I have joint problems and sometimes -through pain -I'm forced to take it a bit easier. 

I learnt a new psychological disorder today , it's called 'Gas Lighting' - it's a technique used by people who are extreme narcissists ,they use the technique to gain power over a partner, or (as dictator) over the public. Most of the description I found on line about this condition can be found in the way Donald Trump and his clique around him are operating in the White House at the moment, I also know of a few men that use this system to dominate their spouses. Whether they are aware of their behavior I wouldn't know but it is worthwhile reading up on it. Hell you might even be a victim of it , so read up it will stop you feeling bad about yourself (if you are subject to this behaviour). Here's the link 
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/here-there-and-everywhere/201701/11-warning-signs-gaslighting 
You can copy paste this into your browser. Thanks for the person that brought this to my attention, I don't know why but these things interest me. I have always had an interest in us humans, maybe because I'm always asking myself if I'm 'normal' always the doubt that I'm 'not good enough' or lacking in one way or the other. So I watch others and see how they cope and check to see if my behavior is on the 'normal' scale. All this constant doubt and self criticism has led me over the years to lose my 'authentic self' whatever and whoever that is. I don't know about you but I find myself 'adapting' a lot to the people I have around me at any given time. It's as if I act like I think they would expect me to act instead of .. well just being me. Why is that? Is that some craving for acceptance? 
I don't know where it came from, probably little by little over the years trying to fit in, but at the moment I'm on to it and want to stop it, which entails that I start getting 'real' or to use the 'book selling' phrase 'looking for my authentic self' . So wish me luck on that one, and if you see me acting strange somewhere,well maybe that's just the (real) way I am. 
See you.