A sense of being.

 Sunday the 27th of August 2023.

When sitting alone, in the quiet of my own small corner of this house, I like to think about this thing called ‘me’. What makes me ‘me’? Nowadays, with the ‘takeover’ that social media has acted out on our collective consciousness, it’s hard to know if that original thought I had this morning, was actually real, actually original, and not just some seed that was planted by AI.

Would it really matter? I think what I think, that’s it, end of the story, although to be honest I rarely identify actual ‘thoughts’  it seems. 

It’s all very tiring. 

Generally, I like the peaceful life, a life of few complications, that’s one reason why I don’t have many friends, and nobody that I would actually count as a ‘soul mate’ or as they say these days a brother from another mother. Friends complicate things, I have never really worked out what to do with them, the stress of having to fit them into my schedule for starters.

I have my job and my family life, the rest of the time I like to lose myself in thoughts or daydreams and especially this, sitting here writing, random unplanned thoughts, getting them down on paper (on screen), and filing them away on some blog or hard disc never to be read again, although you never know, maybe, someday after my death, a relative will think he/she is getting to know me by reading through all this trollop, the poor bastard.

These moments are what make me tick, they make me happy for some reason, It’s not like I am writing a book or poetry, it is just the satisfaction of being able to sit here, alone, and formulate some sense of what is going on in my head at any given time. 

I used to be in a continual state of anger or frustration about politics, the state of the world, etc, but now I can honestly say I do not give a flying fuck about any of it anymore. I still feel bad for the downtrodden and the exploited, but I no longer have the energy to pretend to do something about it. Years I spent being an activist, going on demonstrations, organizing strikes, and on the streets with one petition after the other but I lost the feeling that ‘we’ were actually getting anywhere. It seemed like every time the enemy was unmasked, the exploited and downtrodden would go and vote for them at the next election, and then I lost ‘it’. I no longer believe that the masses will someday rise up and overthrow the tyranny of those in charge, and if they do they’ll probably put a bigger bastard in charge. 

I now look at our world as this comedy of errors, we humans evolved against all odds and are just one big accident (and I'm one of them), always just one step away from destroying all that is naturally beautiful on this rock in space. So I try to enjoy the time I am allotted on this earth and to hell with the futility of politics and struggle. I’ll sit back and watch the show, not take it too seriously and mock the obvious. This is me, now, although I must warn you, it might not be how I feel tomorrow, so don’t take it too seriously.