Stories, Rhymes and Brain fallout.

  Child of Confusion. Sometimes one of my Comedy shows will get a review written by one or other journalist with one or other sense of humor, or even by journalists without a sense of humor but a sense of duty, this being to warn their readers of any form of humor which doesn’t coincide with the definition humor that they had searched for on google specially for this occasion. One such journalist once described me as a ‘Confused Comedian’, ‘jumping from topic to topic, only to return to the main topic where he started out’. He obviously meant ‘Confusing’ instead of ‘Confused’, a difference which would say more about him than me, but I digress. To be honest, I am confused, there, I said it. I have always been confused, confused about most things, I think my birth sign was a question mark followed by an exclamation mark or just a confused emoji.   It all started more or less at the beginning, when I first realised that not all families are constructed like ours. The awakening to...

  Climate, now here’s my take. What do I think about climate change? What do you think? I left school when I was 15, I worked in factories and had my own bar that went bankrupt and you’re asking me about climate change? What the flipflop do I know? I can’t even get the central heating working properly. Climate change, yeah it’s getting hotter and hotter and the weather generally seems to be a bit fucked up, more than that and you’ll have to ask an expert and that isn’t me.   In most walks of life, I have to depend on the consensus of common sense and hope experts are getting it right, I wear a seat belt not just because it’s the law but also because going through a windshield at 70km an hour doesn’t sound like a thing I’ll enjoy, so I belt up.   Same with the climate, I’ll recycle, wear a sweater indoors and turn the heating off or lower, I’ll take a shower once every two days and not spend long doing it, I’ll even start eating less and saving energy by turning off gadget...

  Madness. Mental health, we don’t say madness anymore, which is as far as I’m concerned madness, every couple of decennia we change words so as not to offend people, until the new words become offensive to the ultra sensitives.   Anyway, madness, I am starting to think that I might be suffering from a form of it, I’m becoming a bit of a nutter. On top of that I am starting to forget the recent past, I can remember things from years ago, just don’t ask what I did yesterday, that is a mystery.   In comedy, it comes down to me having to re-write whole pieces of my show every time I perform because I can’t remember what I talked about on stage last week. That’s the memory bit.   The nutter bit is me constantly doing stuff I hate and yet repeating the behavior. Am I more of a nutter than I used to be? Maybe not, but I am noticing it more than I used to. It could be that the meditation exercises I do are making me more aware of my behavior, who knows? Don’t ask me I’m a s...

 All great leaders are dead, or history is a lie. Do you ever wake up with the feeling that some teeth have mysteriously grown?  Kids at school can learn all the math they want they still won't be able to solve the problem of trying to survive on average pay. In the parallel economy it's hard to make ends meet. Ever wonder how many breaths you have left.  A Poem. All I see on my tv are talking heads called Celebrities A shiny one, a laughy one, a pretty one and more, a young one, an old one they must be bred by the score. Some have sung, some have acted some have talents unknown. One thing they have in common, they're on the telly so you'll never hear them moan Always happy all teeth and smiles, no problems, no debt or pain But the trouble with this ego herd they're all the fucking same.

 I'm getting old and I have to adapt. (and pee a lot more) Everything changes, is changing, and that's good, it's always been that way, now I'm on the receiving end of evolution. I watch my language try to follow the new norm, the new sensitivities. People with multicoloured hair talking to me about gender and gender fluency, don't they now? that when I was their age I was a fan of David Bowie. Although I was an idiot back then (more than now) If you had talked to me about gender fluid I would have thought about the stains on my bed linnen. But David Bowie? he was already into all that stuff. (btw my dog thinks my leg is gender neutral). One good thing about this getting old gig, I don't have to worry about long term problems. I'm retro, pre-loved, second hand, antique and my prosthetics make me kind of bric a brac.  I'd like to meet the person who makes up all the pretentious names for all the different sorts of coffee you can order, and force feed the ...

  Cold. I was waiting in line at the checkout of our local supermarket.   Loading all the stuff we think we’ll need on to the conveyor belt.   I noticed that the guy behind me only had two chocolate bars.   I said “go ahead you only have the two chocolate bars, you can go before me”. He answered with a smile, “It’s ok, I can wait, it’s cold outside”.   The next day I saw him again, this time sat on his blanket in a shop doorway. I dropped some money in his cup.   We smiled, I moved on, it was cold.